What BSD characters say in their beginning fic notes in ao3

Kyouka: Warning, This Fic Doesn’t Contain Bunnies And Tofus. It Contains Murder and Gore. Morbid. Continue?
Mori: Elise-chan forced me to update this T^T
Elise: whatever it is rintarou-said on his fic is a lie. read mine instead
Higuchi: What’s the difference of senpai and this fic??? Senpai doesn’t notice me but you noticed this fic. Enjoy.
Gin: *no notes*
Tachihara: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR??? JUST CLICK THAT MOTHERFUCKING PROCEED AND READ
Hirotsu:
Twain: i know y’all thirsty for this lmao here come dat boiii!!!
Fitzgerald: My creations are always top-notch, Old sport. It is always sought by everyone. Same goes for this fanfiction. It’s a masterpiece, it’s golden. I own it. I own your computer/phone. I own the gadgets you use to read this. I own you.
Alcott: U-uhm! T-this i-is my f-first attempt t-to w-write a f-fic so…. *sweats nervously* P-please tolerate mistakes… I’m sorry! Ah…. I- I hope you like it…
Lovecraft: what am i doing here, i myself don’t know
Steinbeck: god, here it goes. I hate this story, I hate this site, I hate myself smh but please read lol
Kouyou: Gracefulness comes from greatness. Such as myself to myself. Enjoy reading, lads.
Kajii: Hellooooo, fellow humans! I, Kajii Motojirou once again took my time to yet again help you invest in an extraordinary experience!! Hoho, I have yet to truly indulge in the realm of emotions, but worry not! This thing created by none other than me, will assist you on “feeling” a roller-coaster of emotions, as said by volunteers and young ones of today! Once you’re done reading, leave a kudos and a comment to help me discover just what it made you feel so that I can finally know just how emotions can affect the pinnacles of science!
Q: THIS INCLUDES THEMES NOT SUITABLE FOR VERY YOUNG AUDIENCES. PARENTAL GUIDANCE IS ADVISED! Chuuya-san told me to say that here soooo…
Yosano: This is my third fic lol so you probably know me already. If you have any qualms about my writing style, say it to my face when you see me instead of bitching about it. That’s all, have fun reading~
Ranpo: i made Poe type this bc i’m too important to do so and i also told him to type like this lol that’s about it poe, now grab me some snacks
Kenji: It’s about cows hehe.
Junichirou: Hi! I hope you like this. 🙂
Kunikida: WARNING: Creator choose not to archive warnings because it would be a spoiler. But to prevent anything from affecting you on an unpleasant way, refer to the additional tags added on the upper corner of this story. I invested approximately 1.5 hours on organizing the sequence of events here. It took me 30 minutes to finalize the story, and spent 15 minutes to proofread it. By my calculation, it should take you less than 15 minutes to read this, for it only contains 1,500 words. But it would take you 25 minutes if you feel like feeling the emotions behind the content more, and if you decide to comment. Now, I hope this wouldn’t waste your time, Enjoy.
Poe: pls don’t read this
Fyodor: Angst to cleanse ur soul.
Chuuya: Yo! 🙂 Finally had the time to update. Sorry about that, was busy doing stuff so yeah, now here it is.
Dazai: I’m stuff lol
Atsushi: Hi! Ah, this is my first fic, so please be gentle? Haha… I will update every Tuesdays since I don’t know when I can be online to continue this. Please be patient with me. Also, please excuse grammatical and typographical errors. With all of those out of the way, I hope you enjoy reading!
Akutagawa: Just fucking read.
Oda: I’m dead but this fic isn’t.