elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:
this is the best review for the WORST movie ever written this is LITERATURE:
Last night I went to see Fifty Shades Freed, the third and mercifully final entry in the film series based on the novels of EL James. It was an unusual experience. Obviously, being a forty-something man wearing sweatpants and a hoodie while smelling of tacos and whiskey, going to see that particular movie myself at 10:00 PM on opening night was … awkward. I experienced a lot of feelings, most of them predictable — discomfort, embarrassment, maybe even a little shame. It’s not a good movie, and I was prepared to sit down this morning and write about how it’s not a good movie. But then, something happened to me overnight. Something that had been percolating since the opening scenes of the movie. All of that discomfort and embarrassment and shame was swept aside by something else.
Rage.
Fifty Shades Freed made me furious. It took a while for it to all gel together, but now that I’ve had a few hours, it’s crystal clear, an anger so white-hot and pure that it warms me on this cold New England morning. Because Fifty Shades Freed is worse than just a shitty movie about white people fucking with a limp attempt at incorporating BDSM and a stupid plotline about revenge and redemption. No, it’s insulting to every single relationship on this planet. It’s not just that it’s badly made, badly acted, horrifically written and lazily directed. It’s that it’s actively bad for people. It’s a blight on humanity.
my favorite line from this is, “The sex scenes are like a tire fire inside a robot handjob factory.”
“I might give a slight amount of credit to Dakota Johnson for actually showing some real emotion and somehow keeping the unrelenting despair of her poor choices out of her eyes. But it’s canceled out by Dornan, a ripped and spectacular physical specimen with the charisma of a dinner plate and the acting acumen of a corpse.”
“Enjoy your god damn shitwaffle, America. You deserve it.”
I laughed so much at this guys wording, but he’s so on point in every way. Please go read this.
Review: ’50 Shades Freed’ Is an Ignorant, Poisonous Anti-Feminist Hate Anthem
fadeslikewhispers 