aphelionbruise:

maybe i would throw myself off a seacliff for you. maybe i want to throw myself off a seacliff, and its easier to pretend its for you. after all what better way is there to go than violently, for love? what’s more poetic than the salt of my blood returning to the salt of the sea, my bones nestled amongst the bleached coral?

i brace my body around the question that isn’t a question but rather an unspeakable want. i talk my way out of these feelings. it is hard to admit that i do not know if my heart reacts to your presence because i feel something for you or because you are there, and it is so easy to imagine something between us. maybe i just like attention.

it’s not that this is about you, because it isn’t, it’s about me, and things i should be over by now, and the fact that i haven’t kissed anyone in over a year. it’s about all the sand in my lungs. maybe there’s fish in my veins. we might as well see if i can breathe underwater.