avtorsola:

just-shower-thoughts:

Telling children that you won’t get mad if they tell the truth and then getting mad about it will turn them into massive liars in the future

Something else that is very important to realize is that, even if you’re not angry, being upset with them and denying that you’re be upset is almost as bad. You can say that you’re not angry all you want, but the second you act anything other than calm and understanding, kids will pick up on it. And then, if they love, respect, or are scared of you, they’ll learn to lie so they don’t upset you, and then they learn to lie to avoid conflicts.

In short – if you promise not to get mad about something, and then find yourself getting upset over it anyway, explain that to the the kid. Let them know “Alright, I promised not to get angry with you. However, I am getting upset for X, Y, and Z reasons because I trust/care about/am concerned for you/other reason. But I am very, very happy and proud that you are telling me the truth, and I will do my best to focus on that, okay?”

Because guess what? Adults aren’t perfect. They never will be. Don’t pretend to be otherwise. Kids will know when you’re being honest with them, and (for the most part) they’ll respect it.

Don’t lie to your kids when you’re upset with them. They’re not dumb – they’ll figure out that they’re connected somehow, and then they’ll try to avoid that trigger again.