steve rogers: All my money is in a savings account. Tony has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don’t understand it.
tony stark: I was once on the phone with blockbuster video, which is a very old-fashioned sentence. That’s like when Steve would be like, “We’d all go play jacks by the soda fountain,” and you’re like, “Nobody knows what you’re talking about , you idiot.”
clint barton: It’s fun to be married. I’ve never been supervised before. I’m supervised! My wife studies what I do, like an anthropologist. She’ll be like: “Sometimes, he will watch a movie on TV even though he already owns that movie on DVD. Pointing this out confuses and upsets him.”
bruce banner: In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin.
natasha romanoff: I’ll keep my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die.
thor: Ah…numbers. The letters of math.
sam wilson: Sometimes babies will point at me, and I don’t care for that shit at all.
bucky barnes: Here’s how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the ’30s: As long as you weren’t there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it.
scott lang: it’s 100% easier not to do things than to do them.
peter parker: I have had a very long day. I am very small and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.
t’challa: You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.
i know the thor fandom likes to paint loki as the bitchy fashion sibling because it’s so easy but let’s look at the FACTS here ladies….thor:
1.had a godmode reveal in his first movie that involved him transforming into a cool outfit like an anime magical girl
2. took time to blow-dry his hair on the avengers plane while everyone was fighting each other
3. was and continues to be the first one to call loki out on his clothing & grooming choices (”you dress like a witch” “your helmet looks like a cow” “looks a little less greasy than i remember him” etc)
4. wore that slutty poncho in the dark world for no reason
5. the age of ultron outfit. u know the one. with the blazer…and the ponytail
6. dragged hulk’s interior decor for filth in ragnarok
7. cried while getting a haircut like he was a 18-year-old girl receiving a traumatic makeover on america’s text top model
Hottest of hot takes, Heimdall is literally the only competent Asgardian, he’s the only one, he’s the entirety of the functioning government
I mean this one hundred percent no joke no lie, Heimdall at some point MUST become the first elected president of New Asgard, Thor is a fine young man but he is not who I trust with taxes and infrastructure and whatnot
thor (bisexual muscle jock paradise) and loki (genderfluid chaos twink) r iconic siblings the level of which can be achieved only by g0ds themselves which, yeah
fadeslikewhispers 