which avenger you were really into as a teenager is a far more accurate measure of personality than astrology is. for example, if you liked loki, you’re gay
thor: sports lesbian or hiking lesbian. you probably have nice hair and trouble expressing your feelings without resorting to speeches. cool flannel
cap: bi… ready to try.. would fight a guy. you probably have a long term best friend you REALLY love. if you’re not dating now, it’s because you’ve done that and decided it was weird, or you’re already married. nice undercut. i imagine you have positive feelings about tattoo chokers or wear a statement jacket (this is, to say, a jacket YOU consider YOUR statement jacket)
tony: please put down the coffee. you either have impressive photoshop skills & a singular determination see this franchise to its demise, or have jumped ship but hold a lingering bitter urge to defend tony stark to the death. you aggressively cut the shirts and collars off all your t-shirts. i am TERRIFIED of you
natasha: you dislike marvel & gave up after aggressively pirating every black widow comic only to discover they’re all misogyny-ridden. you’re majoring in english. your blog consists entirely of original posts where you joke around with your extensive list of long distance long term friends, & poetry. your title & description are probably ominous quotes
hawkeye: you suggest everyone reads matt fraction’s hawkeye. if you have moved past coffee, this is temporary or because you now take caffeine pills. if you don’t have a dog, this is because your friend’s dog now considers you its primary caretaker. bad at responding to texts. you cut & dye your own hair. your pajama pants are a statement piece
banner: superhero movies tire you. your wardrobe is a rotation of cardigans. you probably have joint issues and are prone to greying at nineteen. your friends keep dragging you to these movies even though you all know you’ll just be disappointed. you probably like cats. you are undoubtedly gay
joss whedon: loki tortures and murders people for fun, and, despite being the god of CHAOS, is a fascist who says things like “it’s the unspoken truth of humanity that you crave subjugation”
taika waititi: loki is an annoying little shit who day-drinks, puts on theater about himself, and fucks his way to the top
steve rogers: All my money is in a savings account. Tony has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don’t understand it.
tony stark: I was once on the phone with blockbuster video, which is a very old-fashioned sentence. That’s like when Steve would be like, “We’d all go play jacks by the soda fountain,” and you’re like, “Nobody knows what you’re talking about , you idiot.”
clint barton: It’s fun to be married. I’ve never been supervised before. I’m supervised! My wife studies what I do, like an anthropologist. She’ll be like: “Sometimes, he will watch a movie on TV even though he already owns that movie on DVD. Pointing this out confuses and upsets him.”
bruce banner: In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin.
natasha romanoff: I’ll keep my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die.
thor: Ah…numbers. The letters of math.
sam wilson: Sometimes babies will point at me, and I don’t care for that shit at all.
bucky barnes: Here’s how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the ’30s: As long as you weren’t there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it.
scott lang: it’s 100% easier not to do things than to do them.
peter parker: I have had a very long day. I am very small and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.
t’challa: You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.
i know the thor fandom likes to paint loki as the bitchy fashion sibling because it’s so easy but let’s look at the FACTS here ladies….thor:
1.had a godmode reveal in his first movie that involved him transforming into a cool outfit like an anime magical girl
2. took time to blow-dry his hair on the avengers plane while everyone was fighting each other
3. was and continues to be the first one to call loki out on his clothing & grooming choices (”you dress like a witch” “your helmet looks like a cow” “looks a little less greasy than i remember him” etc)
4. wore that slutty poncho in the dark world for no reason
5. the age of ultron outfit. u know the one. with the blazer…and the ponytail
6. dragged hulk’s interior decor for filth in ragnarok
7. cried while getting a haircut like he was a 18-year-old girl receiving a traumatic makeover on america’s text top model
fadeslikewhispers 